After so many years as a therapist, I can safely say there is not a truly fail proof family. Parents come with their own best intentions (usually) and their own deficits that stem from their own childhood experiences. As parents we give too much, or too little, we discipline too much or harshly, or fail to set proper limits and optimal frustration, we make to many or too little demands (you get the idea). Then, on top of that, we struggle paying the bills, trying to maintain an acceptable income and lifestyle, and offer our children opportunities. We try to live in healthy neighborhoods, and send them to healthy schools. At the same time, we are usually overworked, trying to keep up with house, home and job. In addition, we are trying to stay married, have a healthy sex life, and relationships with friends and family. All this in a world that demands too much, and has too little in the way of quiet calm pleasures and nurturing.
We all suffer a kind of anxiety and malaise at times. we are handling the meaning of our lives and sometimes it is difficult to just look up for a wider view. In light of this, when the family is challenged, or when children are in trouble, it is often hard to see what might help set the situation right. Sometimes, what caused the problem is not what would solve the problem.
Traditional therapy models tend to attribute system difficulties to individuals. Often, there are individual problems, but the family must operate as a system and make corrections based on what is able to work and create health and wellbeing.
It is important, when the family is struggling with either circumstances, stressors, or individual behavior, that the entire family be a part of and contribute to the analysis and solution to the problems.Children can often contribute a lot to the assessment process and the development of strategies to help the family and individual members identify ways to change for the better.
